Even the best of relationships run into problems sometimes. Tiredness, disagreements, illness, issues outside of the relationship (and the list goes on) can all pile pressure onto our relationships. To work out the best solutions, we need to understand the most likely causes. Here we’ve listed some common relationship issues, and reading through them will likely bring others to mind. While we have focused on life partner relationships, you’ll see how many of the issues also apply to other types of relationships. So, even though the issues themselves will vary, they’re all likely to benefit from being addressed (or at least given consideration) sooner rather than later. Expectations One surefire way to create unhappiness and instability in a relationship is through disappointment; and very few things create disappointment as quickly as unmet expectations. Typically there are two problems with expectations in a relationship: unrealistic expectations and unclear expectations. Sometimes couples struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they are simply unrealistic. Our expectations come about through a variety of different factors (for example, what we witnessed as children, other past experiences, beliefs, internal values) but just because we’ve formed them, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to be the best and most realistic for our relationship. Alternatively, couples sometimes struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they're unclear on what their partner expects from them or the relationship. You may be clear in your own mind what you expect from your relationship and your partner, but that doesn’t guarantee they’re on the same page. If we want to avoid unhappiness in our relationship, it is the responsibility of each partner to be realistic and very clear on what they want and to share that with each other. If there’s any clashes, work through them together before they become an insurmountable problem. Communication One of the most common relationship issues couples face is around communication. Be it miscommunication or a lack of communication, the end result is almost always frustration, unhappiness, and unmet needs. Many times the root cause of the communication issue is in how our message is interpreted. If we misunderstand what the other person is saying, we can spend time and energy arguing a point that our partner never intended to make in the first place. It’s essential to take the time to fully understand what our partner is wanting to express. Remember that the message they want you to understand may not look exactly like the message you receive, so check with them that you understand their meaning before you form an opinion. Mastering this is likely to take practice! Learning how to communicate with others is a key life skill and is vital to the success of any relationship. Recognising that others’ perspectives are not the same as our own then listening with an open mind is a good starting point, then keep practicing until it becomes an easy and familiar part of your relationship. Lack of support Problems can occur in a relationship when one partner is unsupportive of the other’s goals and interests in life. Mutual respect and support are an essential part of any relationship – it’s hard to appreciate someone if they don’t care about the things that matter to you. If you’re seeking a relationship, make this deal breaker. If you’re already in a relationship and don’t feel this support, talk with your partner about what you need, and listen to what their needs are too. If you’re not comfortable to do that, it can help to speak with a relationship specialist (either together or on your own). Many EAP companies offer couples counselling to help you work through issues together. Finances Financial worries can have one of the biggest impacts on a relationship. Not having enough money or not knowing how to split expenses can be difficult, and loss of jobs, poor money management, debt, and overspending are all common issues that can put a burden on relationships. Understanding each other’s financial situation is a discussion that really should be had at the time a relationship is getting serious, and honesty is important. Practicing your communication skills will go a long way to helping you to have these conversations openly and honestly. Not enough time spent alone Some of the most common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together. This is especially true for couples who have children. Between work and family obligations, we can sometimes feel more like roommates than a couple, leaving us feeling unappreciated and emotionally frustrated. When we’re busy in other areas of our life and feeling stressed or tired, it will probably take a concerted effort to find ways to spend some time alone together but it will be worth the value it adds to our relationship. Having the time to talk uninterrupted, share our highs and lows, discuss our favourite topics and to just be in each other’s company can remind us of why we’re together in the first place, and that’s priceless. The anger habit When we let anger become an acceptable way to respond to issues in our relationship, it can easily become ingrained, and before we know it anger is our go-to reaction. After all, if someone is angry and shouting at us, how likely are we to listen carefully and look for a solution? Most people, understandably, react to anger with either anger or fear, neither of which will support a healthy relationship. Not consulting each other Let your partner know that they are a priority to you by consulting them before you make decisions. Big decisions like whether to take a new job or move to a new city are obvious life choices that should be discussed with your partner, but don’t forget to include them in smaller decisions too. Although we don’t necessarily want our partner to think we’re incapable of making a decision for ourselves, we do want them to know that we care enough about them to seek their opinion. “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships” - Tony Robbins Get support If you’re feeling out of your depth and don't feel you can discuss your concerns with your partner, the first step is to talk to someone like a trusted friend or family member. If your workplace has an employee assistance programme, make contact to meet with a neutral, qualified practitioner who can help you work through your specific issues and potential solutions. |